About inspiration, delivering newspapers and verbal vomitting!

Bleeerrrrk!!

Okay, okay, so lately I've been busy writing, doing publishing things and I haven't been blogging or twittering as much as I'd like to. But there's another reason for that as well. I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK!

Yes, it happens to the best of us.

But since a week or so ago I have a new side job, which is delivering newspapers (go on, laugh it up!).

Today I was delivering newspapers on one street and I couldn't find the numbers 5-17. There was number 1 and 3, then number 19, 21, all the way up to 103! But no 5 to 17. WHAT WAS GOING ON HERE?
After driving down the street a couple of times and assuring that I wasn't going mental, I found an elderly men who explained to me the following:

When the houses were built, circa 1990's, the original plan was to build a small apartment building at the start of the street which would have the numbers 5 to 17. The apartment building was never built, but the zoning commission never took the numbers out of the roster. Therefore, on every list of the town the numbers still show, but there are no actual houses. THEY ONLY EXIST IN THEORY...

On the way back home, my mind was adapting all this information into a story. There was the young and strikingly handsome paper-delivering guy and A SNOOTY OVERWEIGHT AND VERY PSYCHOTIC BUREAUCRAT at city hall with very evil plans that somehow incorporated these non-existent houses. He worked alone, eating one apple at lunch which he would peel and cut in parts very delicately and slowly.

Kafka-esque images spewed forth from my mind. A portal would open, leaking Lovecratian monsters into our dimension. The world would be in peril if it wasn't for this one young, muscular, BRAVE NEWSPAPER GUY!

The possibilities were endless...

What I'm trying to say in this round-about way is that inspiration can be anywhere. It could leave you for weeks, make you wonder if you've actually lost it and now all that awaits is a simple life as an office drone. All your dreams of winning a Nobel Prize shattered and forever gone...

But then, one day, it trikes you again and you feel it in every fingertip! YOU'RE A WRITER! HaHa, this was what I was born to do! And you set yourself down with a cup of tea, a notebook and a pencil and out it pours, like thick pea soup splattering on the page. Verbal vomit! Oh yes, people, I'm back and very much so!

Keep an eye out for me... I'm on the way up...

Marcel

Book Cover Needed! That's where you come in!

Let them know
I'm looking for THEM!

If people are asking why I've been so quiet lately, you can tell them it's because I'm working. THAAAAT'S RIGHT! Even a wonderful upcoming writer such as myself needs to make some money every now and again. We can't live of love alone, now can we?

Having said that you'll probably be wondering what I've been working on! A valid question, I assume. So here goes. People who've read my post The State of Affairs will know that I've been working on a couple of stories at the same time. One of them, called THE ART OF BULLYING, will be published in the summer.

AND FOR THAT, I NEED A COVER! And that's where you come in!

I need a comical drawing which I can use a cover for the story. 

The story is about Eddie who is a high school bully who dies and goes to Purgatory. Here he meets several strange characters, among which a whole host of people who died in various ways, a loud-mouthed guard, a bored bureaucrat and, of course, his HIGH SCHOOL NEMESIS. At one point his number is up and the Final Judgment comes for him just as it comes for all of us. What will the verdict be? <Insert ominous music here>  

So, I'm calling ALL ARTISTS who can come up with a comical, cartoon style drawing of angels, devils, Purgatory, Hell, Heaven and the likes. Personally, I've been thinking about a parody of a famous painting by Da Vinci or Rubens or such.


So send this out to all your artist friends. Everybody who knows somebody who can DRAW A FAIR BIT, send him or her this post and let them know that OPPORTUNITY IS KNOCKING! They can apply by sending a sample of their work to info@floatingrobes.com including contact details a little bit about themselves. I will then send the story to the most promising artists. We can also discuss other details like payment, delivery and the like.

Of course, every now and again, I will publish whatever I get on this blog, including names and URL's. This would be a nice way to draw some extra attention to yourself!

If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask. Contact me always at info@floatingrobes.com!

Hope to hear from all of you soon!

Regards,


Marcel

Review: Under the Dome!

'Under the Tome'
Mr. King's 1000-page
masterpiece.

Let's see... I started this last year, before Christmas, somewhere. There was snow... ice... presents... and one of them was Stephen King's latest 1000-page page-turner 'Under the Dome'. Although I was recently disappointed by his 700-page snooze-fest Duma Key, I was very excited when my sister-in-law got me this. I loved the premise from the first moment I heard about it and with the Simpsons-movie still in my mind, I couldn't help wondering what a Serious Writer would make of it.

The story opens with a nice description of how the villagers of Chester's Mill are getting trapped under an immense dome. Nobody knows what it is, nobody knows where it came from or why its here. Dale Barbara ('Barbie') is a retired lieutenant from the US Army who quickly becomes an outlaw for the ad-hoc town government led by 'Big Jim' Rennie. Pretty soon, the town gets divided into two camps with Big Jim turning into a cold and calculating dictator and Barbie becoming an icon of a guerrilla-movement within the town. With the people all the while either trying to find out what is going on or trying to lead their normal lives.

From the first page onwards I knew this was going to be a modern classic. Epic, apocalyptic and harsh. Before the first chapter is over about 20 people bought the farm already and the tone is set. It doesn't let up after that. There's this evil government led by a second-hand car dealer who has his rules enforced by a couple of high-school bullies. There's environmental issues as there is no more wind or water coming into the village. As always, there are people psyche's either going this way or that. There's a meth-lab with a mysterious junkie called 'The Chef'. And to top everything off there's a budding psychopath on the loose. JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE.

An epic yarn like this could easily loose itself in mindless banter about the environment, paying for past mistakes, a government conspiracy or some other drag, but that's only if you're not Stephen King. Although the story has about 10 main characters and 20 or more less important characters, the focus of the story is clear: WHAT IS THE DOME, WHY IS IT HERE, and how THE HELL are we going to stop this rampaging dictator? And luckily, Mr. King doesn't loose sight of this, ever.

There are weak points in the story, but to point them out would be nit-picking. Basically Stephen King has avoiding all the pitfalls that could have doomed this book to a cult-status. With the multiple story lines, the immense amount of characters and the simple premise which could easily been shot full of holes, he carefully works with it and stays in charge of the story. There is nothing that can be said about, except HE'S SIMPLY DONE IT AGAIN!

I have been reconfirmed exactly why Mr. King is one of my favorite authors.

Marcel

Random Cool Things I've Found During My Four Day Sick Leave!

Jake, the Evil Hare
is featured further down!

After spending the last week basically lying in bed, blubbering all over the place and writing some things and crossing them out again... what? Yes, I still write longhand. Want to make something of it? No? That's what I thought...

Anyway, when you're sick you go through a lot of this existentialistic, philosophical crap and you find yourself using the Internet to see if some people feel the same. ACTUALLY, THEY DON'T! While you're withering away in a bathrobe, watching the business news and wondering if that bag of chips you found in the cupboard four days ago still needs to be eaten, other people have lives! And they do some cool stuff, sometimes!

So, I'd like to share some of the things that I've found during my four-day quest for entertainment:

First of all always needs to be Lloyd and the Bear. This is one COOL comic, with capital C.O.O.L! It deals with Lloyd, who is a kid and not a very bright one at that, and his bear. Now the bear is actually an alien from the planet Bur. One day Lloyd and his bear get kidnapped by these other aliens and that's when the fun starts. Next to the cool style of drawing, Gibson really knows how to combine the simple with the beautiful. Although definitely not a children story, Lloyd and the Bear always has this really nice innocent feeling to it and a high 'AAAWWW'-factor.

Open publication - Free publishing

Jake, the Evil Hare I've known only since, like, you know, last week or so, it's rapidly becoming one of my favorites. Jake is a hare who is basically made evil, I mean, A REAL BASTARD, as a result of genetic engineering, of course. But now he has turned his back on his evil ways and tries to make it as a super hero. Of course, sometimes you need a big chunk of EVIL to do a little good... and sometimes you're just being framed. Besides this deliciously funny premise, the comic has some real story-telling merits, doing the character justice and even giving him some depth. As far as I'm concerned, Jake is well on its way to become a modern classic.

Seeing My Little Cthulhu for the first time, I couldn't believe my eyes! Of course, this is completely lost on those of you NOT familiar with the great works of H.P. Lovecraft, so you should go to HORROR SCHOOL first. But for the ones, like me, who have a permanent shelf in their bookcase reserved for his stories (sad, ain't it), this is one cool site. They actually have a Glow-in-the-Dark Cthulhy, complete with victims! How can you do anything but smile that evil smile...

Technically not very evil, but very funny is Everyday Blues! A simple daily comic about breaking up, love, sex and all those things that make us feel like one of those weak humans. Read it in the morning with a cup of coffee and you won't be drinking it; you'll be hiccuping. The tagline reads: 'It's better to be bitter.' How can you pass that up?

Well, I guess that's it, folks. I found one cool thing every day while I was sick. Could be worse. When I'm at work whole weeks go by without me finding one cool thing. So my life hasn't been so bad lately.

Keep reading!

The Mucus Man Sayeth: There's a little mucus inside all of us!

There's no justice like
Angry Mob Justice!
-The Simpsons-

DEAR MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN RACE,

It's with a heavy heart that I write this open invitation to you. For while you are gathering outside with pitchforks and torches, yelling for my untimely demise, nooses a-knotted and kitchen knifes a-sharpened, my heart grows weary with despair. DESPAIR for what the rest of the night might bring for me. It might well be I do not make until the morning, especially if this plea falls on deaf ears.

I know I might be too horrible to behold! I know my countenance strikes you as disgusting and unhygienic. I leave tissues everywhere I go, my nose is swollen and red, my eyes bloodshot and when I sneeze, there's a good chance I turn everyone of you into the same blobbering mess I am today. For, do not be mistaken, I POSSESS THAT POWER!

But forget not, dear humans, that I have hidden myself in this house for the past five days. Forget not, that I have not ventured out into the world, I have not been among you, since this horrible transition has befallen me, this primeval curse! The Internet and television, oh those wonderful devices, have been my only links to the outside world as I am left to the mercy of my only caretaker, the only one who seemingly understands my current situation, my wonderful girlfriend. And I have chosen to be in this seclusion with only one goal in mind, and I hope you'll find it a noble goal and that is TO MAKE SURE THIS CURSE STOPS WITH ME!

I have no wish for world domination, I do not want to turn you all into the same zombie-like creatures that I have now become and I most certainly DO NOT WANT YOUR CHILDREN! I will not stalk the streets in the middle of the night, preying upon hapless teenagers making out in the park, just to sneeze on them and turn them into my own. I do not stalk the shadows outside your bedroom window waiting for the last light to turn out, before I enter and do my horrible business. And I do not go out into the world to search for others of my kind!

I just want to be left alone, to be left in peace with my predicament. I hope you will grant me this privilege. I do not need your pity, your compassion or your fruit baskets (although the occasional apple would be nice, Granny Smith's, if you please). I merely ask you to return to your homes, your wives and your children. Put down your pitchforks and stop yelling for my death, for I will tell you something that you should already know:

DO NOT BE MISTAKEN! I was not always like this. Once I loved, once I cried and laughed, I bled red just like the rest of you, FOR ONCE, EVEN I WAS HUMAN!

This is my cross to bear, this horrible affliction, and maybe I brought it on myself and maybe that's the biggest curse of all. But please, leave me alone to whither in my dwelling. Put down your implements of murder and your kitchen utensils and YOU WILL BE SPARED! For if you do not, MY VENGEANCE WILL BE BOTH HORRIBLE AND MESSY! Turn back, humans. Hark, your children are crying for their parents!

And thus I bid thee farewell.

For ever yours,


Marcel 'the Mucus Man' Admiraal

Caption taken from the Simpsons Episode 'Bart after Dark' as uttered by Seymour Skinner, Principal of Springfield Elementary. Picture apparently comes from Magic: the Gathering cards.