The Best of Floating Robes!

Don't worry, we'll start at ten!

After two years of blogging and receiving lots of e-mails, comments, pageviews, hits, click-throughs, backlinks and what not, I've found there are a couple of posts that still garner interest, even after it has disappeared of the blog roll long ago.

So, back by dope demand:

10) Bag of Bones for Sale - I found this on the Internet one day when I was looking for a skull which was to be the cover of my book Beneath Dark Waters. It just seemed funny and a testament that you can find anything on the internet.

9) WTF Movie of the Week: Event Horizon! - Not so old, yet, but well on it's way to become one of the classics. Since it's introduction in 2011, the WTF Movie of the Week has proven a big hit. It allows me put hidden horror gems (or good movies lacking an enormous marketing budget) in the limelight where they belong. I'm happy you feel the same.

8) The Making of 'Beneath Dark Waters' - I'm happy this is included here. My little behind-the-scenes treatise of my first self-published book was a joy for me to write since it deals with the place I grew up in. It gave me a chance to explain some of the characters and landscape I know so well. If you haven't read it yet, do it. It'll give the book an extra dimension.

7) Just plain cool wedding cakes! - A fun post done when my wife and I were checking for cool designs for our wedding cake. Most of these are around on the internet and if you get your girlfriend to order one of these, please let me know where I went wrong!

6) Real life ghosts - Written in a time I wasn't exactly sure what Floating Robes was going to be, this is one of the classics. It just keeps popping up every now and again. They're freaky pics, though. Goose bumps guaranteed.

5) Ten most inspirational horror songs - Inspired by my playlist while running two years ago, this is my personal list of beloved horror songs. I'm happy a lot of you agree! I was surprised by the amount of feedback I got on this one. I always thought I was the only one with Murder in the Red Barn on nr. 1.

4) Welcome to the circus. Juggling a home life, day job, writing career and hobbies all at one! - A bit of a personal post, it deals with my life in 2010. It hasn't changed much. But now I know that I'm not the only one.

3) Top Ten Short Stories of Horror Literature! - My first blog hit! An enormous amount of replies and feedback. Apparently I hit a nerve. I love short literature (both writing and reading) and I'm happy I'm not the only one!

2) Doing what you want: not always easy! - Again a personal post that hit it big. It deals with the running-up to my first publication and the real importance in writing: just having fun! Once again, find your own voice and don't bother with what other people say! Only then will you find that one different voice that everybody's looking for.

1) 10 Tips for the Succesful Integration of Zombies in Human Society - Written after watching an episode of the Walking Dead, it was a joke that went horribly right! The next day I had a big number of backlinks and a couple of good comments, among which 'Hahahaha' and 'LOL'. And that makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it?

And that's it for now. I hope there will be many more in the future and I hope in two years time, the list will look somewhat different. You can make that happen!

Take Care,

Marcel

Cool to be Ghoul!

Fancy Ghoul says: we are
just as good as zombies!

Yes, well, there you have it! A trizillion movies made about zombies and exactly how many are there featuring GHOULS?! I bet you could count them on one hand!

See, that really pisses me off! What makes those blundering, would-be-our-food-if-they-just-stayed-dead's so much better than us! Just because we don't actually KILL you, we are not worthy of your time? That's just not right... I'm sorry.

Didn't know that, did you? Well let me fill you in:

1) Food doesn't run. This must be one of the blessings of being a ghoul. You see those poor zombie-schmucks trying toget their hands on a delicate piece of liver that's ten times faster then they are. Well, none of that for us. We like our food fresh, but no longer breathing. In fact, if you'd be so kind to bury your loved ones au filet, we'd be most appreciative. 

2) Always a home. Most of us just like hanging around dungeons, graveyards, abandoned churches and all those nice places that you people avoid anyway. We don't like people coming up into our faces, so we stay out of yours. Apart from some property developer coming by every ten years or so, that is.

3) Fancy talking. As you may have gathered from this little rant, yes, sir, we're actually quite coherent in our verbal communication, thank you very much! None of that 'Brains, brains'-stuff all the time. No, sir, anyone can come up and have a decent conversation with us. It's just... no one ever does...

4) Shape shifting. What? It's been known to happen. Ever read Thousand-and-One-Nights? No? So shut up!

5) No picky eaters. Yes, the most important aspect of ghoul-ism is the fact that we simply get to a graveyard and dig in. We're no picky eaters. We don't need our food to be alive in order to enjoy a good piece of skin. Dried or otherwise, it's all good with us.

6) No biting. Come one, why would we? You're still breathing, aren't you?

7) Just death. And if you do get bitten by one us (you weren't up to any good in the first place, were you?) you don't turn into one of us. Nope, you just die. Great, all the more for us to eat.

Yummy!

8) We don't multiply like rabbits. Ahem, that might need a bit of explaining. We are made during in extensive and intricate ritual than just emerged from the left-over pieces from someone else's meal. We are not just humans that died! No, it takes a witch with considerable skill to come up with one of US. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it!

9) Never alone. No Saturday night goes by unnoticed for us. We always dig up a date somewhere.

10) Fire. Ai, you got us there. We hate the sight, sound and smell of fire, so keep it very far away from us, if you please. I guess we're just smarter than the zombies on that one. They would just blunder into it, mindless lemmings as they are! Pwah!

And those are just some of the reasons why ghouls are better than zombies! So next time you come to make out at an abandoned cemetery, please have some consideration. Don't disturb us during our lunch with your endless yelling and screaming, and for the love of... something... please don't bash us over the head. We might just have to kill you!

Image by Tendonitis Games!

Random Cool Things I've Found During My Four Day Sick Leave!

Jake, the Evil Hare
is featured further down!

After spending the last week basically lying in bed, blubbering all over the place and writing some things and crossing them out again... what? Yes, I still write longhand. Want to make something of it? No? That's what I thought...

Anyway, when you're sick you go through a lot of this existentialistic, philosophical crap and you find yourself using the Internet to see if some people feel the same. ACTUALLY, THEY DON'T! While you're withering away in a bathrobe, watching the business news and wondering if that bag of chips you found in the cupboard four days ago still needs to be eaten, other people have lives! And they do some cool stuff, sometimes!

So, I'd like to share some of the things that I've found during my four-day quest for entertainment:

First of all always needs to be Lloyd and the Bear. This is one COOL comic, with capital C.O.O.L! It deals with Lloyd, who is a kid and not a very bright one at that, and his bear. Now the bear is actually an alien from the planet Bur. One day Lloyd and his bear get kidnapped by these other aliens and that's when the fun starts. Next to the cool style of drawing, Gibson really knows how to combine the simple with the beautiful. Although definitely not a children story, Lloyd and the Bear always has this really nice innocent feeling to it and a high 'AAAWWW'-factor.

Open publication - Free publishing

Jake, the Evil Hare I've known only since, like, you know, last week or so, it's rapidly becoming one of my favorites. Jake is a hare who is basically made evil, I mean, A REAL BASTARD, as a result of genetic engineering, of course. But now he has turned his back on his evil ways and tries to make it as a super hero. Of course, sometimes you need a big chunk of EVIL to do a little good... and sometimes you're just being framed. Besides this deliciously funny premise, the comic has some real story-telling merits, doing the character justice and even giving him some depth. As far as I'm concerned, Jake is well on its way to become a modern classic.

Seeing My Little Cthulhu for the first time, I couldn't believe my eyes! Of course, this is completely lost on those of you NOT familiar with the great works of H.P. Lovecraft, so you should go to HORROR SCHOOL first. But for the ones, like me, who have a permanent shelf in their bookcase reserved for his stories (sad, ain't it), this is one cool site. They actually have a Glow-in-the-Dark Cthulhy, complete with victims! How can you do anything but smile that evil smile...

Technically not very evil, but very funny is Everyday Blues! A simple daily comic about breaking up, love, sex and all those things that make us feel like one of those weak humans. Read it in the morning with a cup of coffee and you won't be drinking it; you'll be hiccuping. The tagline reads: 'It's better to be bitter.' How can you pass that up?

Well, I guess that's it, folks. I found one cool thing every day while I was sick. Could be worse. When I'm at work whole weeks go by without me finding one cool thing. So my life hasn't been so bad lately.

Keep reading!

10 tips for the Successful Integration of Zombies in Human Society!

Ehm, hello? ... Is this things on...? Yes? Okay, there we go?

My fellow zombies, in the past year we clawed our way out of our earthy graves. We've stumbled across this world, looking for food, and our numbers have grown exponentially. And we can be proud of that. 

They may say we're mindless and, honestly, sometimes I look at us, and I think they're right. Our torn clothes and vacant stares certainly seemed to suggest that. And sometimes we aren't always as eloquent as we'd like to be. So for a successful coexistence of humans and zombies, we need to clean up our act. This is tantamount to our integration in normal society, people. So here are some tips:

1) Wear clean clothes. Don't stumble around this world in the same clothes you died in or even the same ones you wore yesterday! The bloodstains are horrible to look at and brains are really hard to get out in the wash. Besides, they smell. A new set of clothes might also help you cover up that nasty gun-shot wound in your belly.


2) Wash yourselves. Even if it's a little dip in the brook or even standing out in the rain. A little water never killed anyone. And while you're at it, take pride in your appearance. Use a comb every now and again, wipe that blood from your chin, use some make-up to hide those skin ruptures and pick the pieces of brain from your teeth. Honestly, it's disgusting sometimes. 

3) Help a fellow zombie. A society is judged by the way they take care of those less fortunate. If his legs are cut off with a chainsaw or he has a big hole in his chest from a shotgun, don't leave him there in the streets. Help him back on his feet, if he still has them. If he doesn't, ask him where he wants to go and carry them there. But always remember, one day it could be you laying there.

4) When conversing with humans, speak their language. Or at least try to. I've always found that people are more willing to speak to you if you speak at least a couple of words in their language. You will not get what you want by hollering 'brains, brains, brains!' all the time.

5) Be gentle, sometimes. Our appearance is off-putting as it is, even without throwing rudeness in the mix. So when you see an old lady trying to cross the street, don't crack her head open like a ripe melon and eat her brains. Help her. And maybe next time, they won't come after you with a hunting rifle. A little friendliness goes a long way.

6) Don't loiter out in the streets. We're not vagabonds, for crying out loud! Especially after dark. Find a house to relax in. There's enough empty ones out there since we came out. So why not try it for a change? Sit in a chair, kick your feet up, try the TV-thing, they seem to like it.

7) Clean up your mess, people, I can't stress this enough. People don't like to see their next of kin laying dead in the streets for weeks on end, all chewed up and spat out. They might be just food to you, but humans have feelings too. So be a little considerate and get them out of sight. As a functioning part of society, it's our job as well to keep the streets clean.

8) Find the evil ones. This'll take some time, but I really want you to try and put the effort in. Humans come in all shapes and sizes and some of them are more evil than a pack of starving vampires! Find those, hunt them down and eat their brains. People will thank you for it afterwards. And their brains are more juicier too.

9) Don't smudge the windows. Clawing and scratching won't help you get into a house and it might give off the wrong signal. Instead, wait patiently. If they are ready to come out, they will. People put a lot of pride in their house and smudging the windows or banging the doors constantly, might get them upset.

10) Try to have a decent conversation with each other. Reach out and touch a fellow zombie. This is two-fold. First of all, people seemed to be put off by guttural sounds or vacant, silent stares. Second, you might learn something useful. Humans have survived for thousands of years and have found countless ways to communicate with each other. Why not start with a simple 'How do you do?'

For the rest, we all hope you have a prosperous 2011. I hope you will apply some of these tips, if not all of them, in your day to day exploits. From all of us here at Zombie HQ, we wish you a happy new year and remember to stay away from the guy with the sniper rifle!

Top Ten Short Stories of Horror Literature

It's funny how since the eighties or so short horror stories have kind of disappeared from the general preference in favour of longer novels and even series of novels. Short literature is no longer taken serious, it seems, unless written by an established name. But what is nicer than to read a short story of appropriate length on a bus or a train, on the beach in the sun, or in the comfort of your own bed just before falling asleep?

And what of the authors who are able to conjure up a universe in just a few broad strokes, deepen the characters and suck you into their world in a mere ten or twenty pages. Doesn't therein lie the true craftsmanship? For this list I have looked at the lesser known, but excellent short stories ranging from the delightfully devilish to the horrifically funny.

1) The Vertical Ladder - William A. Sansom - A young boy gets coaxed by his peers to climb a ladder up a silo. Not a supernatural horror story, but the fear in the young boy going up the vertical ladder is very real and captured beautifully in this story. The following cruelty is one that can only be expected from children.

2) Lamb to the Slaughter - Roald Dahl - Who can resist the satirical imagination of this master of suspense? A woman kills her husband and finds an ingenious way of ridding herself of the evidence. Get your hands on a collection of Dahl's short stories as soon as you can!

3) The Shadow over Innsmouth - H.P. Lovecraft -The dealings of a young man in a strange and unsettling fisherman's village when he finds out more than he wishes to know about his family history. Told in Lovecraft's usual runny prose, it sucks you in deeper and deeper until the horrific conclusion. 

4) Charlie the purple giraffe was acting strangely - David D. Levine - The title alone is wonderful, but wait until you read the story. A cartoon giraffe becomes aware of his readers and upsets his fellow characters. Technically speaking maybe not a horror story, but with an outcome that gives you the creeps anyway.

5) Christmas Meeting - Rosemary Timperly - On a lonely Christmas evening a middle aged woman laments her lonely life when a strange visitor arrives. The carefully woven English language, the realistic dialogue and the punch line of this story still comes to mind years after reading this story. Read only on a cold winter night when home alone.

6) Possession on Completion - Collin Brooks - A young author moves into a brand new house with his brand new wife, only to find that the house's lack of character is why he can't write. All the pages of this story seem to lead up to its inevitable ending and when it does, the blood runs from your face and the sweat breaks on your back. A must-read for any author suffering from writers block.

7) The Black Cat - Edgar Allen Poe - Does this one really need an introduction? Poe's tortured anti-hero spiraling down a vortex of alcohol and violence still brings both horror and grief to anyone who reads this horrific story.

8) The Cocoon - John B.L. Goodwin - Being an avid collector of bugs when I was growing up I couldn't leave out this story of a young boy and his collection of butterflies. It's revenge, darkness, a little boys imagination and big bugs. What can go wrong?

9) Lucy Comes to Stay - Robert Bloch - What else can we expect from the writer of Psycho than a story on... schizophrenia! A horrific tale of a woman driven to madness and getting help from an unexpected source. The character of Lucy is welcome and horrible at the same time.

10) Sandmagic - Orson Scott Card - This dark fantasy tale reads like the synopsis of a novel. A young boy trains himself in the dark arts of magic to take his revenge on the soldiers who killed his parents. The events follow each other in such fast pace that it leaves you breathless between the first word and the last. A great tale filled with anger and unscrupulous revenge.

So the next time you see an anthology or stumble upon a short story written by a budding writer on the internet, take the time to read a few pages. You might be holding gold! In the meantime check out these links:

Mammoth Books

Short Story.me

Classic Shorts