June 27, 2011

Independent Horror Movie Makers Galore!

All your links are
link back to us!
Hey people,

since my last post was such a blast, I've been looking up more about independent horror movie makers. Funny enough, all the links seem to end up here:


It's a joint venture of actors, producers and a band (Wheatus!). You can have a look at what's in store and donate if you want to see this continue. You can also win (or buy) movie roles and production jobs or pre-order some of the movies. It's a cool concept! Have a look! Could be the Hammer of the future!

June 23, 2011

WTF Movie of today: Puppet Monster Massacre!

Sesame Street gone
very, very bad!
In the category 'Too cool to be true' this time we found a short trailer of the  movie 'Puppet Monster Massacre'. The best way to describe this is: Sesame Street goes really, really bad! With a tagline that reads 'The Felt Is Gonna Fly' you can't really go wrong, can you?

The synopsis is as simple as any other horror movie: a group of teens are challenged to spend a night in an abandonded mansion. The owner, the evil Dr. Wagner, has concocted a monstrosity in the basement and plans to make the hapless teens the creature's first big meal.

Sounds familiar? Seen this before? Not with puppets, you didn't!
This promises to be hilarious! This is already released in the US (I think) and we hope it will be released in Europe soon as well!

Puppet Monster Massacre Homepage


June 20, 2011

Fancy Vampire says: I'm so misunderstood...

Fancy Vampire says:
Alas, I'm so misunderstood
First of all, I'd like to thank the good people from Floating Robes for giving me this chance. Others never were so kind...

A week ago there appeared on this very blog a post (clicketh thine mouse here) from a bitter vampire claiming vampires cannot be any different than blood-sucking monsters. Ai, how I lament this narrow-mindedness... Alas, sometimes we dig the very pittfalls we fall into...

For I assureth thou that there certainly are vampires with a bit more sensitivity to thine human world than this frustrated vampire hast thou believe. I, myself, often marvel at the extent of thine subtle nature and not seldom do I feel empty, bleak and alone after witnessing a wonder of human kindness...

My heart is a dark and haunted place, ravaged by melancholy. I often weep for my long lost mortality. Especially when the screams of the thousand victims I've taken resound in my ears... Their faces pass before my mind's eye in my most darkest hour.

For I AM a monster, doomed for all eternity to wander this vast world to know all the time, the only thing that can eleviate  my misery is to succle from a young virgin. Oh, how I lament the evil faith that has befallen me. It is enough to drive one to insanity...

But let me not fall too much into despair. It is enough that thy knoweth now that not all of our kind are uncaring psychopaths. And judging from the films of late, I daresay thou got the point. So I will now return to my dusky dwellings and leave thou in quiet contemplation. For soon another night is upon us. I will once again feel the hunger ravaging my poor body. I can only pray my mind is strong enough to resist its horrible call!

Let me therefore, translate my feelings into a poem:

Oh, dark night,
such wonders you bring!
And with it, alas, such evil plight.

My the heavens open with every dawn
And the heavenly sun shine down
on the innocence of every fawn.

Let me retreat into my humle pad.
To sleep until the evening's call
When I will awake, hungry and mad,
only not to feed, but to resist my heavenly fall.

With this, I will graciously take my leave. Pray for me in thine most forgiving hour. Or no, just leave it. I'm not worthy of thine thoughts...

Forever thine,

Fancy Vampire

June 15, 2011

Frustrated Vampire: We do NOT sparkle!

Frustrated Vampire says:

Hello yes? Are we good?

Okay, here we go.

So for generations on end us, vampires, have struck fear in the hearts of man! From the cold, wind-swept mountain tops of Transylvania until the exciting and bustling New World. And our encounters with the human world have been well documented. Personally, I've always loved to watch us lay waste to your kind! Even though the most documented cases you have are the ones where you always out-smart us. The pox on garlic and sunlight, I say!

But recently I've found, my race has been shown in a different light. Portraying us as lovely and courageous little creatures that won't immediately suck the life out of all the young ladies we meet. For crying out loud, we look like blobbering little teenagers!

Well, let me assure you, after a few hundred years of watching you mocking this planet up and fighting wars, you loose some of your sentimentality. We understand full well that we were put on God's green earth for one reason and one reason only: TO FEED OFF YOU!

And here and there might flare up some over-extravagant specimen of my race, donning a black cape and living in a fancy, albeit out of the way, piece of real estate, BUT even he understood that when the rumbling starts in the belly, you better stuff yourself with warm, pumping blood!

And so, let me set some things straight!

- We are not lovable!
- We don't care if you fall in love, we'll still eat ya'!
- We don't eat human food!
- We do not have children!
- We have no issues what-so-ever with drinking every drop of your delicious blood!
- We do not jump trees like some monkey!
- And worst of all, we DO NOT SPARKLE!

Believe me, people, sunlight is a direct threat to out existence and it should not be mocked! Soon you people won't even be afraid of us anymore! We already have scores of teenage girls clammering for our attention...

...and I got to say, thank you for that!

But still, I call upon the good people of Hollywood, USA to come up with more believeable vampires and soon...

On behave of vampires everywhere, thank you and sleep tight!

June 8, 2011

Cool to be Ghoul!

Fancy Ghoul says: we are
just as good as zombies!
Yes, well, there you have it! A trizillion movies made about zombies and exactly how many are there featuring GHOULS?! I bet you could count them on one hand!

See, that really pisses me off! What makes those blundering, would-be-our-food-if-they-just-stayed-dead's so much better than us! Just because we don't actually KILL you, we are not worthy of your time? That's just not right... I'm sorry.

Didn't know that, did you? Well let me fill you in:

1) Food doesn't run. This must be one of the blessings of being a ghoul. You see those poor zombie-schmucks trying toget their hands on a delicate piece of liver that's ten times faster then they are. Well, none of that for us. We like our food fresh, but no longer breathing. In fact, if you'd be so kind to bury your loved ones au filet, we'd be most appreciative. 

2) Always a home. Most of us just like hanging around dungeons, graveyards, abandoned churches and all those nice places that you people avoid anyway. We don't like people coming up into our faces, so we stay out of yours. Apart from some property developer coming by every ten years or so, that is.

3) Fancy talking. As you may have gathered from this little rant, yes, sir, we're actually quite coherent in our verbal communication, thank you very much! None of that 'Brains, brains'-stuff all the time. No, sir, anyone can come up and have a decent conversation with us. It's just... no one ever does...

4) Shape shifting. What? It's been known to happen. Ever read Thousand-and-One-Nights? No? So shut up!

5) No picky eaters. Yes, the most important aspect of ghoul-ism is the fact that we simply get to a graveyard and dig in. We're no picky eaters. We don't need our food to be alive in order to enjoy a good piece of skin. Dried or otherwise, it's all good with us.

6) No biting. Come one, why would we? You're still breathing, aren't you?

7) Just death. And if you do get bitten by one us (you weren't up to any good in the first place, were you?) you don't turn into one of us. Nope, you just die. Great, all the more for us to eat.

8) We don't multiply like rabbits. Ahem, that might need a bit of explaining. We are made during in extensive and intricate ritual than just emerged from the left-over pieces from someone else's meal. We are not just humans that died! No, it takes a witch with considerable skill to come up with one of US. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it!

9) Never alone. No Saturday night goes by unnoticed for us. We always dig up a date somewhere.

10) Fire. Ai, you got us there. We hate the sight, sound and smell of fire, so keep it very far away from us, if you please. I guess we're just smarter than the zombies on that one. They would just blunder into it, mindless lemmings as they are! Pwah!

And those are just some of the reasons why ghouls are better than zombies! So next time you come to make out at an abandoned cemetery, please have some consideration. Don't disturb us during our lunch with your endless yelling and screaming, and for the love of... something... please don't bash us over the head. We might just have to kill you!

Image by Tendonitis Games!

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