June 8, 2011

Cool to be Ghoul!

Fancy Ghoul says: we are
just as good as zombies!
Yes, well, there you have it! A trizillion movies made about zombies and exactly how many are there featuring GHOULS?! I bet you could count them on one hand!

See, that really pisses me off! What makes those blundering, would-be-our-food-if-they-just-stayed-dead's so much better than us! Just because we don't actually KILL you, we are not worthy of your time? That's just not right... I'm sorry.

Didn't know that, did you? Well let me fill you in:

1) Food doesn't run. This must be one of the blessings of being a ghoul. You see those poor zombie-schmucks trying toget their hands on a delicate piece of liver that's ten times faster then they are. Well, none of that for us. We like our food fresh, but no longer breathing. In fact, if you'd be so kind to bury your loved ones au filet, we'd be most appreciative. 

2) Always a home. Most of us just like hanging around dungeons, graveyards, abandoned churches and all those nice places that you people avoid anyway. We don't like people coming up into our faces, so we stay out of yours. Apart from some property developer coming by every ten years or so, that is.

3) Fancy talking. As you may have gathered from this little rant, yes, sir, we're actually quite coherent in our verbal communication, thank you very much! None of that 'Brains, brains'-stuff all the time. No, sir, anyone can come up and have a decent conversation with us. It's just... no one ever does...

4) Shape shifting. What? It's been known to happen. Ever read Thousand-and-One-Nights? No? So shut up!

5) No picky eaters. Yes, the most important aspect of ghoul-ism is the fact that we simply get to a graveyard and dig in. We're no picky eaters. We don't need our food to be alive in order to enjoy a good piece of skin. Dried or otherwise, it's all good with us.

6) No biting. Come one, why would we? You're still breathing, aren't you?

7) Just death. And if you do get bitten by one us (you weren't up to any good in the first place, were you?) you don't turn into one of us. Nope, you just die. Great, all the more for us to eat.

8) We don't multiply like rabbits. Ahem, that might need a bit of explaining. We are made during in extensive and intricate ritual than just emerged from the left-over pieces from someone else's meal. We are not just humans that died! No, it takes a witch with considerable skill to come up with one of US. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it!

9) Never alone. No Saturday night goes by unnoticed for us. We always dig up a date somewhere.

10) Fire. Ai, you got us there. We hate the sight, sound and smell of fire, so keep it very far away from us, if you please. I guess we're just smarter than the zombies on that one. They would just blunder into it, mindless lemmings as they are! Pwah!

And those are just some of the reasons why ghouls are better than zombies! So next time you come to make out at an abandoned cemetery, please have some consideration. Don't disturb us during our lunch with your endless yelling and screaming, and for the love of... something... please don't bash us over the head. We might just have to kill you!

Image by Tendonitis Games!


Anonymous said...

Ha! Cool post. Like the persona :) Reviving the forgotten ghoul is nice, too much obsession over zombies.

Robin Lythgoe said...

Ghouls: the elite undead. :D Fun post.

Marcel Admiraal said...

Thx! I do what I can!


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