Ze German Zientist tells us 5 ways of reanimating the dead!

Ve have a duty, yez, to strife
for zomething better, yez....?

Yez... I am very pleased zat ze good people of Floating Robez has given us thiz chance to explain some of the experiments ve have done over ze past years. Just have a zeat while I prepare the last bits for my prezentazion...

You zee, ve, as zientists have a duty to the world to continually strife for something better... Yez? In ze past we have tried to find a cure for zat most unfortunate and inevitable of diseases: Death. Yez? Well, although we have booked some succezzez in this field, the rezults have been, shall we say, unsatisfying. To say the least.

At first we acquired ze help a elderly doctor from Whitechapel, London. He was all too willing to find us some fresh... specimen. Soon, however, we found out zat he liked the acquiring of ze specimen a little too much. We took care of him with... extreme prejudice, as you put it.

Back in Germany, a young doctor tried to piece together a human from several body parts. To enzure the success of zis experiment we made sure that we got the bezt parts of the several bodies before ... azzembling them. Then we tried to animate the corpse using ze lightning, yez? Zis was quite 'tricky' as you put it, for how could we get ze tunder down into the corpse, yez? For zat ve used ze kites.
Unfortunately, ve had not anticipated ze human feelings still instilled inside the creature. When it broke loose and killed ze family of ze scientist involved, we were all more zan shocked.

After zat we attracted a promising young man from the American North-West. From Arkham University to be precize. This young man, and his little friend, booked slightly better succezzez in the field of Reanimation. During ze First World War we monitored his progrezz closely, although our prezence was sometimes regarded with slight... paranoia by his superiors, yez?
Still, we believe the strain of ze experiments weighed heavily on young Herbert's conscience as he mysteriously disappeared one night and was never zeen again... yez?


For many years ve searched for a suitable replacement of young Dr. West. Ve found him in the guise of a secluded priest on ze Caribbean island of Haiti vhen our prezence in Germany vas no longer tolerated. He claimed to have ze secret of reanimation, but did not employ scientific methods. Rather he used religious means... not our 'cup of tea' as you put it...
But he suczeeded in resurrecting a young girl and we were almost impressed, yez... But he had not counted on her ze young man she was going to marry. Eventually, he pushed the poor doctor of ze cliff, yez? Before we could step in, yez? And with him went all ze secrets...


Again we searched the world for a scientist of note and ve thought ve had found him (together with a group of his college 'buddies', as you put it) in ze United States. A dapper young man experimenting with Death, yez... Mr. Labraccio succesfully managed to come back from the dead several times and repeated the suczezzez with his friends. But, alas, ze experiments vere stopped due to... unfortunate psychological damage of one of ze 'college buddies'. Very unfortunate, indeed....yez...

But, ve continue to search for ze scientist zat will succeed in fully beating death. For ze future ve are looking towards an elderly scientist, recently released from St. Claire's mental hospital, yez... Hiz work in the 70's have been well documented. Rezently he has been quite occupied with his work on alternate dimensions... But once ve have dissuaded him enough on zat ve are quite positive ve can have him... see it our way... yez?

Once again, ve would like to zank Floating Robes for giving us zis opportunity and ve all wish you a good night. Rest assured vhile ve search for a cure for zis horrific affliction called...  Death...  Yezz...

Ze German Zientist.