About inspiration, delivering newspapers and verbal vomitting!

Bleeerrrrk!!

Okay, okay, so lately I've been busy writing, doing publishing things and I haven't been blogging or twittering as much as I'd like to. But there's another reason for that as well. I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK!

Yes, it happens to the best of us.

But since a week or so ago I have a new side job, which is delivering newspapers (go on, laugh it up!).

Today I was delivering newspapers on one street and I couldn't find the numbers 5-17. There was number 1 and 3, then number 19, 21, all the way up to 103! But no 5 to 17. WHAT WAS GOING ON HERE?
After driving down the street a couple of times and assuring that I wasn't going mental, I found an elderly men who explained to me the following:

When the houses were built, circa 1990's, the original plan was to build a small apartment building at the start of the street which would have the numbers 5 to 17. The apartment building was never built, but the zoning commission never took the numbers out of the roster. Therefore, on every list of the town the numbers still show, but there are no actual houses. THEY ONLY EXIST IN THEORY...

On the way back home, my mind was adapting all this information into a story. There was the young and strikingly handsome paper-delivering guy and A SNOOTY OVERWEIGHT AND VERY PSYCHOTIC BUREAUCRAT at city hall with very evil plans that somehow incorporated these non-existent houses. He worked alone, eating one apple at lunch which he would peel and cut in parts very delicately and slowly.

Kafka-esque images spewed forth from my mind. A portal would open, leaking Lovecratian monsters into our dimension. The world would be in peril if it wasn't for this one young, muscular, BRAVE NEWSPAPER GUY!

The possibilities were endless...

What I'm trying to say in this round-about way is that inspiration can be anywhere. It could leave you for weeks, make you wonder if you've actually lost it and now all that awaits is a simple life as an office drone. All your dreams of winning a Nobel Prize shattered and forever gone...

But then, one day, it trikes you again and you feel it in every fingertip! YOU'RE A WRITER! HaHa, this was what I was born to do! And you set yourself down with a cup of tea, a notebook and a pencil and out it pours, like thick pea soup splattering on the page. Verbal vomit! Oh yes, people, I'm back and very much so!

Keep an eye out for me... I'm on the way up...

Marcel

Book Cover Needed! That's where you come in!

Let them know
I'm looking for THEM!

If people are asking why I've been so quiet lately, you can tell them it's because I'm working. THAAAAT'S RIGHT! Even a wonderful upcoming writer such as myself needs to make some money every now and again. We can't live of love alone, now can we?

Having said that you'll probably be wondering what I've been working on! A valid question, I assume. So here goes. People who've read my post The State of Affairs will know that I've been working on a couple of stories at the same time. One of them, called THE ART OF BULLYING, will be published in the summer.

AND FOR THAT, I NEED A COVER! And that's where you come in!

I need a comical drawing which I can use a cover for the story. 

The story is about Eddie who is a high school bully who dies and goes to Purgatory. Here he meets several strange characters, among which a whole host of people who died in various ways, a loud-mouthed guard, a bored bureaucrat and, of course, his HIGH SCHOOL NEMESIS. At one point his number is up and the Final Judgment comes for him just as it comes for all of us. What will the verdict be? <Insert ominous music here>  

So, I'm calling ALL ARTISTS who can come up with a comical, cartoon style drawing of angels, devils, Purgatory, Hell, Heaven and the likes. Personally, I've been thinking about a parody of a famous painting by Da Vinci or Rubens or such.


So send this out to all your artist friends. Everybody who knows somebody who can DRAW A FAIR BIT, send him or her this post and let them know that OPPORTUNITY IS KNOCKING! They can apply by sending a sample of their work to info@floatingrobes.com including contact details a little bit about themselves. I will then send the story to the most promising artists. We can also discuss other details like payment, delivery and the like.

Of course, every now and again, I will publish whatever I get on this blog, including names and URL's. This would be a nice way to draw some extra attention to yourself!

If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask. Contact me always at info@floatingrobes.com!

Hope to hear from all of you soon!

Regards,


Marcel

Review: Under the Dome!

'Under the Tome'
Mr. King's 1000-page
masterpiece.

Let's see... I started this last year, before Christmas, somewhere. There was snow... ice... presents... and one of them was Stephen King's latest 1000-page page-turner 'Under the Dome'. Although I was recently disappointed by his 700-page snooze-fest Duma Key, I was very excited when my sister-in-law got me this. I loved the premise from the first moment I heard about it and with the Simpsons-movie still in my mind, I couldn't help wondering what a Serious Writer would make of it.

The story opens with a nice description of how the villagers of Chester's Mill are getting trapped under an immense dome. Nobody knows what it is, nobody knows where it came from or why its here. Dale Barbara ('Barbie') is a retired lieutenant from the US Army who quickly becomes an outlaw for the ad-hoc town government led by 'Big Jim' Rennie. Pretty soon, the town gets divided into two camps with Big Jim turning into a cold and calculating dictator and Barbie becoming an icon of a guerrilla-movement within the town. With the people all the while either trying to find out what is going on or trying to lead their normal lives.

From the first page onwards I knew this was going to be a modern classic. Epic, apocalyptic and harsh. Before the first chapter is over about 20 people bought the farm already and the tone is set. It doesn't let up after that. There's this evil government led by a second-hand car dealer who has his rules enforced by a couple of high-school bullies. There's environmental issues as there is no more wind or water coming into the village. As always, there are people psyche's either going this way or that. There's a meth-lab with a mysterious junkie called 'The Chef'. And to top everything off there's a budding psychopath on the loose. JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE.

An epic yarn like this could easily loose itself in mindless banter about the environment, paying for past mistakes, a government conspiracy or some other drag, but that's only if you're not Stephen King. Although the story has about 10 main characters and 20 or more less important characters, the focus of the story is clear: WHAT IS THE DOME, WHY IS IT HERE, and how THE HELL are we going to stop this rampaging dictator? And luckily, Mr. King doesn't loose sight of this, ever.

There are weak points in the story, but to point them out would be nit-picking. Basically Stephen King has avoiding all the pitfalls that could have doomed this book to a cult-status. With the multiple story lines, the immense amount of characters and the simple premise which could easily been shot full of holes, he carefully works with it and stays in charge of the story. There is nothing that can be said about, except HE'S SIMPLY DONE IT AGAIN!

I have been reconfirmed exactly why Mr. King is one of my favorite authors.

Marcel

Random Cool Things I've Found During My Four Day Sick Leave!

Jake, the Evil Hare
is featured further down!

After spending the last week basically lying in bed, blubbering all over the place and writing some things and crossing them out again... what? Yes, I still write longhand. Want to make something of it? No? That's what I thought...

Anyway, when you're sick you go through a lot of this existentialistic, philosophical crap and you find yourself using the Internet to see if some people feel the same. ACTUALLY, THEY DON'T! While you're withering away in a bathrobe, watching the business news and wondering if that bag of chips you found in the cupboard four days ago still needs to be eaten, other people have lives! And they do some cool stuff, sometimes!

So, I'd like to share some of the things that I've found during my four-day quest for entertainment:

First of all always needs to be Lloyd and the Bear. This is one COOL comic, with capital C.O.O.L! It deals with Lloyd, who is a kid and not a very bright one at that, and his bear. Now the bear is actually an alien from the planet Bur. One day Lloyd and his bear get kidnapped by these other aliens and that's when the fun starts. Next to the cool style of drawing, Gibson really knows how to combine the simple with the beautiful. Although definitely not a children story, Lloyd and the Bear always has this really nice innocent feeling to it and a high 'AAAWWW'-factor.

Open publication - Free publishing

Jake, the Evil Hare I've known only since, like, you know, last week or so, it's rapidly becoming one of my favorites. Jake is a hare who is basically made evil, I mean, A REAL BASTARD, as a result of genetic engineering, of course. But now he has turned his back on his evil ways and tries to make it as a super hero. Of course, sometimes you need a big chunk of EVIL to do a little good... and sometimes you're just being framed. Besides this deliciously funny premise, the comic has some real story-telling merits, doing the character justice and even giving him some depth. As far as I'm concerned, Jake is well on its way to become a modern classic.

Seeing My Little Cthulhu for the first time, I couldn't believe my eyes! Of course, this is completely lost on those of you NOT familiar with the great works of H.P. Lovecraft, so you should go to HORROR SCHOOL first. But for the ones, like me, who have a permanent shelf in their bookcase reserved for his stories (sad, ain't it), this is one cool site. They actually have a Glow-in-the-Dark Cthulhy, complete with victims! How can you do anything but smile that evil smile...

Technically not very evil, but very funny is Everyday Blues! A simple daily comic about breaking up, love, sex and all those things that make us feel like one of those weak humans. Read it in the morning with a cup of coffee and you won't be drinking it; you'll be hiccuping. The tagline reads: 'It's better to be bitter.' How can you pass that up?

Well, I guess that's it, folks. I found one cool thing every day while I was sick. Could be worse. When I'm at work whole weeks go by without me finding one cool thing. So my life hasn't been so bad lately.

Keep reading!

The Mucus Man Sayeth: There's a little mucus inside all of us!

There's no justice like
Angry Mob Justice!
-The Simpsons-

DEAR MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN RACE,

It's with a heavy heart that I write this open invitation to you. For while you are gathering outside with pitchforks and torches, yelling for my untimely demise, nooses a-knotted and kitchen knifes a-sharpened, my heart grows weary with despair. DESPAIR for what the rest of the night might bring for me. It might well be I do not make until the morning, especially if this plea falls on deaf ears.

I know I might be too horrible to behold! I know my countenance strikes you as disgusting and unhygienic. I leave tissues everywhere I go, my nose is swollen and red, my eyes bloodshot and when I sneeze, there's a good chance I turn everyone of you into the same blobbering mess I am today. For, do not be mistaken, I POSSESS THAT POWER!

But forget not, dear humans, that I have hidden myself in this house for the past five days. Forget not, that I have not ventured out into the world, I have not been among you, since this horrible transition has befallen me, this primeval curse! The Internet and television, oh those wonderful devices, have been my only links to the outside world as I am left to the mercy of my only caretaker, the only one who seemingly understands my current situation, my wonderful girlfriend. And I have chosen to be in this seclusion with only one goal in mind, and I hope you'll find it a noble goal and that is TO MAKE SURE THIS CURSE STOPS WITH ME!

I have no wish for world domination, I do not want to turn you all into the same zombie-like creatures that I have now become and I most certainly DO NOT WANT YOUR CHILDREN! I will not stalk the streets in the middle of the night, preying upon hapless teenagers making out in the park, just to sneeze on them and turn them into my own. I do not stalk the shadows outside your bedroom window waiting for the last light to turn out, before I enter and do my horrible business. And I do not go out into the world to search for others of my kind!

I just want to be left alone, to be left in peace with my predicament. I hope you will grant me this privilege. I do not need your pity, your compassion or your fruit baskets (although the occasional apple would be nice, Granny Smith's, if you please). I merely ask you to return to your homes, your wives and your children. Put down your pitchforks and stop yelling for my death, for I will tell you something that you should already know:

DO NOT BE MISTAKEN! I was not always like this. Once I loved, once I cried and laughed, I bled red just like the rest of you, FOR ONCE, EVEN I WAS HUMAN!

This is my cross to bear, this horrible affliction, and maybe I brought it on myself and maybe that's the biggest curse of all. But please, leave me alone to whither in my dwelling. Put down your implements of murder and your kitchen utensils and YOU WILL BE SPARED! For if you do not, MY VENGEANCE WILL BE BOTH HORRIBLE AND MESSY! Turn back, humans. Hark, your children are crying for their parents!

And thus I bid thee farewell.

For ever yours,


Marcel 'the Mucus Man' Admiraal

Caption taken from the Simpsons Episode 'Bart after Dark' as uttered by Seymour Skinner, Principal of Springfield Elementary. Picture apparently comes from Magic: the Gathering cards.

The Mucus Man Is Loose! (And off to the supermarket)

Beware, oh foolish Earthlings!

RUN, FLEE, RUN, YOU FOOLISH EARTHLINGS! The Mucus Man cometh! He does not know mercy! He does not know fear! He has known nothing in his entire wretched existence but all-consuming HUNGER! A burning, screaming hunger deep inside his gut! The hunger for potato chips to go with his Simpson Marathon!

See how his hideous face is obscured by a woolly scarf, tucked in the sides of the collar of his formidable jacket. It has been whispered that beneath the scarf lie HORRIBLE DISFIGURATIONS! Those that see them, do NOT live to tell the tale! Well, then how do you know, you may wonder. And that's one of those mysteries of the universe, people.

BUT OF ONE THINGS YOU CAN BE CERTAIN, that beneath his jeans, he still wears his pajamas!

Watch now, as he makes his way stumbling down the steps of his apartment, down to the street, cowering against the wind that CHILLS HIS VERY BONES! See how it crawls back deep inside his jacket so no man will ever see its horrific countenance.

And now, it turns the corner, crosses the parking lot, making sure no-one sees him. For they would drive him out with pitchforks and torches. If they ever got hold of him, they'd strap him in a chair and subject him to horrible experiments that are unlikely to benefit mankind in any way, but that would certainly delight the depraved hunger of the masses!

Closer and closer he comes to the mass of people gathering in front of the supermarket, growing more fearful with every step, the Mucus Man approaches. Will they discover him? Will they see him for what he really is? Or can he manipulate their simple minds? Is he indeed a master of disguise, passing himself off as mere human. BY JOVE, THE THOUGHT ALONE!

But it works, so far, he is in. Quickly now, past the vegetables, the meat, the bread. The candy rack, oh do not stop at the candy rack. He hesitates for one moment! Will he fall victim to his own weaknesses? Will he attempt to buy the sweet eucalyptus candies he's been craving for so long? BUT HE CANNOT! For they will undoubtely destroy the Mucus Man and turn him back into one of these weak human beings!

So he walks on, grab a bag of chips from the rack, oh perfect monster! That's what you came in for...

And now the final test. Shoveling its way past the various people, he is surprised nobody notices his heavy panting, his constant sniffing and coughing behind the scarf. Nobody looks into his blood-shot eyes. Nobody seems to notice him at all!

Now, the cashier, a wretched woman who cannot possible comprehend the beast that stands in front her! Scan the item, my dear, just scan the d#mn thing! Do not look up into its eyes, do not even pay attention! Tell him the price, go on, TELL HIM! Never mind that the clammy hand shakes when he hands you the coin! PEARLS BEFORE SWINE!

SAVE, METHINKS! But nay, there is still the trip home! Again, past the yapping housewives, the seated men begging for a coin! GO ON, BEGONE FROM THIS! Go on, my beautiful monster, and go thou back to thine home!

Five minutes it takes before the lock enters the keyhole and the blessed warmth of its dwelling leaps up at him again! Oh, now the monster can relax and take of this stifling scarf! See, young earthling, how horrible the deformaties of its face, see where the tissues have left deep indentations ON ITS UPPER LIP every time he blows his nose! Oh, what a horrific sight!

Let us not dwell upon it any longer, my young apprentice! Let's leave this wonderfully wretched creature to its own devices! Aw, hark, the first manic notes of its horrific cartoon already sound! Can you hear it munching, young earthling, MUNCHING upon its chips?

OH, THE HORROR, THE HORROR OF IT ALL! WILL IT EVER STOP!

Marcel 'the Mucus Man' Admiraal


BTW: the picture above is called Town Eater by LAURA WACHTER. She resides in Granada, Spain and has an excellent portfolio called Nova Contigo!


For more EXCELLENT monster pics go to CruZine!

The Mucus Man Awakens!

Apparently there is a real
Mucus Man!

LOOK, CHILD, LOOK, OVER THERE! In the shadows of the couch, just behind the desk with the laptop. Do you see it? It's hypnotizing and beautiful in a sinister sort of way. Look how it slowly awakens after eons of slumber, how it lifts its drowsy arm and wipes the sleep from its eyes. See how its mouth opens wide and the threads of mucus stretch from lip to lip. It's almost human, a bit like your father, even!

But wait, that's not all! It now opens its eyes and looks around it. It doesn't know where it is! LOOK, CHILD, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL! It wonders briefly how this happened, how it fell asleep on the couch. Wasn't it working with the laptop just a minute ago? He must have gotten tired and decided to lie down for just a minute. Well, the minute stretched into an hour, didn't it. Look my child, how it tries to decide whether to get up or turn around one more time.

Okay, it gets up. It sets on foot on the carpet, moves its formidable body into an upright position. It feels the mucus shift inside his head and as it sits up, it gasps for air! It reaches for the tissues on the small coffee table and takes one, brings it to its nose and blows, IT BLOWS! GIRL, ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL? We are truly blessed to see an event this rare! For years we've been waiting for this opportunity and now it unfolds right before our very eyes!

It's getting up! CHILD, MOVE AWAY FROM THE CAGE! We don't know how dangerous this can be! Better not take any changes. The Mucus Man, it now moves across the room, coughing and scratching himself. OH, THIS MIGHTY BEAST!

Wait, what is it doing now? It stands still for just a moment! Why is this, what's happening? It looks up into the light, turns towards the window. It just stands there. WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT? But wait, it arches it back, takes a deep breath... Child, get away, get away from it now! It's going to sneeze! OH, THE HORROR, THE HORROR OF IT ALL! With an immense explosion of sound it shall spray its mucus all over the room! DON'T LOOK CHILD, TURN TO ME. LOOK AT ME!

ACCHHHOOOO!!!

The sudden release of power is awesome! See how the beast looks around, disoriented for a second. You can look again, child, its over now. The Mucus Man, it wheels around on its heels, looking down on its front paws, staring down the front of his shirt, wondering what happened. Then, without so much as a second guess, it wipes its hand on its pajama pants. It then continues its way towards the laptop and sits down.

OH, WHAT A MAGNIFICENT CREATURE THIS IS! A true blessing of Mother Nature and how fortunate are we to witness its resurrection. We finally succeeded, didn't we, child, we have released this Mucus Man from its horrible slumber and released its power on the world.

BLESSED ARE WE!

Marcel 'the Mucus Man' Admiraal

LOL: I didn't even know there was a real Mucus Man. You in the States have probably seen him around. He's the mascot of some company called Mucinex? It cracked me up.

The Mucus Man Telleth: My Neighbours Are Pod People!

Cthulhu Fthag'n!
Check out link below!

Maybe it's because I've been stuck in the house for three days now, maybe it's because my mind strays to dark and foggy places and maybe it's because my fever is finally frying my brain. But maybe, just maybe, it's really true and MY NEIGHBOURS ARE POD PEOPLE.

I've been noticing it for some time now and my girlfriend agrees. And unless she, as well, is just a figment of my overwrought mind, that must mean I'm not crazy. The fact of the matter is that: WE NEVER SEE OUR NEIGHBOURS. I have no idea what they look like, I couldn't pick 'em out of a line-up and, God-help-me, I would never be able to identify them on a slab! What a horrible human being am I! 

Except, I'm not. Everyone you ask will say that I'm a very reserved but friendly character, always willing to lend a hand and not at all reclusive (with the exception of these three days, but that's for the good of all mankind). No, the thing that really makes me think is this: I NEVER SEE THEM WITH THE LIGHTS ON!

And although this could be construed in a number of very compromising ways, what I mean is: THERE IS NEVER A LIGHT ON IN THEIR HOUSES!

Whenever I come down in the morning and start making my breakfast, surely one of them must be doing the same! It's a normal human thing to do at seven-thirty in the morning, isn't it? But no, there is no light, not a sign of life anywhere. Me and my girlfriend, we leave the building in total silence on our way to work. All the cars are still in the parking lot, some with flat tires. When we come back in the evening, same story. Cooking dinner? Not for them! They must eat take-out everyday! Or, and this is more likely, THEY FEED IN DIFFERENT WAYS THAN US!

We hear them sometimes, drilling holes, hammering away at something, building stuff, mostly at ungodly hours and we rest assured that they are still alive. Or at least mobile...

But wait, here it comes... Once a year, when the moon is full and the frost has left the ground, THEY COME OUT TO FEAST! I'm living in the south of the Netherlands which means they celebrate Carnival here, a pagan ritual designed to celebrate the end of Winter. And this is when they come out, dressed up and with painted faces, beating their drums, chanting their manic songs and drinking like there is no tomorrow. After these three days, they hide again for the remainder of the year...

So, you see, it may be my overcooked brain, it may be that I read too much horror, but I'm telling you, MY NEIGHBOURS ARE NOT NORMAL... One day they'll come for us, take us down to their haloed ground and initiate into their hellish feast. Beware, Northerners, THEY ARE COMING, COMING I TELLS YA'! PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU, R'LHEY WAGH'NAGL FHTAGN!

Marcel 'The Mucus Man' Admiraal

BTW: If you thought the mini-Cthulhu was adorable: check out My Little Cthulhu!
(No, really, this is not just courtesy. They have some funny stuff!)

Spring Rant: Out, out, OUT with the beasties!

Tweeeeeet!

With the launch of Beneath Dark Waters behind us and the rest of my career ahead of me, I did a nice spring cleaning. New template, new logo bar, new lay-out, new stories, new opportunities, new EVERYTHING! Hope you like it.

Aaah, spring, don't you love it? The snow melts, everything is grey and soggy before it turns green again, horny birds are tweeting incessantly and of course there's the obligatory no-I-don't-need-a-coat-look-at-the-sun-out-there-cold. Yes, the one cold a year that comes always for me and that pisses me off something awful, because IT'S MY OWN DAMN FAULT!

So yesterday I went running without my nice ultra-light raincoat on and for the next couple of days I'm paying the price. My head's clogged up, I'm sneezing uncontrollably, spraying mucus every-fricking-where and going around the house in my pyama cursing at the cats. And then come the comments:

"Well, I told you to put a jacket on." Damn girlfriend.

Well, I'll tell you something people. After three months of rain and snow and ice and frosty air and split lips and vampire days of coming to and going from work in the damn darkness, I'm GLAD! G.L.A.D!

Glad I went out without my jacket, glad I took a little too long to view the countryside in all it's Renaissance splendor and glad I listened to the birds tweeting in the trees. And if two days of sitting at home and feeling like shit are the price to pay, then SO BE IT!

I'm not sorry I leave tissues all over the place, not sorry I watch every episode of Fringe in rapid succession and not sorry I'm asleep at one o'clock in the afternoon only to wake up from near-asphyxiation by three. And you know why? Because, IT WAS WORTH IT!

SPRING'S THE BEST SEASON IN THE WORLD!

WELCOME BACK!

And to celebrate this, here's a little video I have to make due with since I can't go out and listen to the real thing:

Happy Spring, everybody!

Publication Day! Beneath Dark Waters Out Now!

 








Well, you've waited for it for a long time, but finally my first horror story collection is out! Beneath Dark Waters: 10 stories that'll raise the hairs on your neck, that'll chill you to your very bones and that'll freeze the blood in your veins! 

The price is EUR 14,95 and the shipping is FREE!  Get it today!

Or get it through Alibris.co.uk!

If you want to get a taste for what it's all about, click here!

Last Free Publication Day Countdown Sample 'What Hides in the High Grass'!

Artwork by Bhim Boyer.
Keep checking back from more!

In nervous anticipation of the publication of my first collection of horror stories Beneath Dark Waters, I'm releasing a sample a day from each story!

Today: What Hides in the high grass

Some would say Sebastian is a simple soul. He's the helping hand at an agricultural farm, lives in a small house at the edge of the village and generally loves his life. He's an uncomplicated man who understands nature a lot better than he does the people around him.
One fine summer's evening, he walks along the long roads on his way home and as he walks, monsters follow him closely in the darkness...

This is one of my personal favorites. I thought this one up while walking home one evening and spotting a small group of rowdy youngsters on the corner. The character of Sebastian sort of happened more than me thinking it up. He's a very lovable, simple character. You can't help but like him. His positive, albeit naive outlook on life is very endearing. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!

Check out the sample below:

Open publication - Free publishing

Tomorrow: Publication Day!

For more free stuff: Click Free Stories