March 10, 2011

The Mucus Man Awakens!

Apparently there is a real
Mucus Man!
LOOK, CHILD, LOOK, OVER THERE! In the shadows of the couch, just behind the desk with the laptop. Do you see it? It's hypnotizing and beautiful in a sinister sort of way. Look how it slowly awakens after eons of slumber, how it lifts its drowsy arm and wipes the sleep from its eyes. See how its mouth opens wide and the threads of mucus stretch from lip to lip. It's almost human, a bit like your father, even!

But wait, that's not all! It now opens its eyes and looks around it. It doesn't know where it is! LOOK, CHILD, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL! It wonders briefly how this happened, how it fell asleep on the couch. Wasn't it working with the laptop just a minute ago? He must have gotten tired and decided to lie down for just a minute. Well, the minute stretched into an hour, didn't it. Look my child, how it tries to decide whether to get up or turn around one more time.

Okay, it gets up. It sets on foot on the carpet, moves its formidable body into an upright position. It feels the mucus shift inside his head and as it sits up, it gasps for air! It reaches for the tissues on the small coffee table and takes one, brings it to its nose and blows, IT BLOWS! GIRL, ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL? We are truly blessed to see an event this rare! For years we've been waiting for this opportunity and now it unfolds right before our very eyes!

It's getting up! CHILD, MOVE AWAY FROM THE CAGE! We don't know how dangerous this can be! Better not take any changes. The Mucus Man, it now moves across the room, coughing and scratching himself. OH, THIS MIGHTY BEAST!

Wait, what is it doing now? It stands still for just a moment! Why is this, what's happening? It looks up into the light, turns towards the window. It just stands there. WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT? But wait, it arches it back, takes a deep breath... Child, get away, get away from it now! It's going to sneeze! OH, THE HORROR, THE HORROR OF IT ALL! With an immense explosion of sound it shall spray its mucus all over the room! DON'T LOOK CHILD, TURN TO ME. LOOK AT ME!


The sudden release of power is awesome! See how the beast looks around, disoriented for a second. You can look again, child, its over now. The Mucus Man, it wheels around on its heels, looking down on its front paws, staring down the front of his shirt, wondering what happened. Then, without so much as a second guess, it wipes its hand on its pajama pants. It then continues its way towards the laptop and sits down.

OH, WHAT A MAGNIFICENT CREATURE THIS IS! A true blessing of Mother Nature and how fortunate are we to witness its resurrection. We finally succeeded, didn't we, child, we have released this Mucus Man from its horrible slumber and released its power on the world.


Marcel 'the Mucus Man' Admiraal

LOL: I didn't even know there was a real Mucus Man. You in the States have probably seen him around. He's the mascot of some company called Mucinex? It cracked me up.

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