March 8, 2011

The Mucus Man Telleth: My Neighbours Are Pod People!

Cthulhu Fthag'n!
Check out link below!
Maybe it's because I've been stuck in the house for three days now, maybe it's because my mind strays to dark and foggy places and maybe it's because my fever is finally frying my brain. But maybe, just maybe, it's really true and MY NEIGHBOURS ARE POD PEOPLE.

I've been noticing it for some time now and my girlfriend agrees. And unless she, as well, is just a figment of my overwrought mind, that must mean I'm not crazy. The fact of the matter is that: WE NEVER SEE OUR NEIGHBOURS. I have no idea what they look like, I couldn't pick 'em out of a line-up and, God-help-me, I would never be able to identify them on a slab! What a horrible human being am I! 

Except, I'm not. Everyone you ask will say that I'm a very reserved but friendly character, always willing to lend a hand and not at all reclusive (with the exception of these three days, but that's for the good of all mankind). No, the thing that really makes me think is this: I NEVER SEE THEM WITH THE LIGHTS ON!

And although this could be construed in a number of very compromising ways, what I mean is: THERE IS NEVER A LIGHT ON IN THEIR HOUSES!

Whenever I come down in the morning and start making my breakfast, surely one of them must be doing the same! It's a normal human thing to do at seven-thirty in the morning, isn't it? But no, there is no light, not a sign of life anywhere. Me and my girlfriend, we leave the building in total silence on our way to work. All the cars are still in the parking lot, some with flat tires. When we come back in the evening, same story. Cooking dinner? Not for them! They must eat take-out everyday! Or, and this is more likely, THEY FEED IN DIFFERENT WAYS THAN US!

We hear them sometimes, drilling holes, hammering away at something, building stuff, mostly at ungodly hours and we rest assured that they are still alive. Or at least mobile...

But wait, here it comes... Once a year, when the moon is full and the frost has left the ground, THEY COME OUT TO FEAST! I'm living in the south of the Netherlands which means they celebrate Carnival here, a pagan ritual designed to celebrate the end of Winter. And this is when they come out, dressed up and with painted faces, beating their drums, chanting their manic songs and drinking like there is no tomorrow. After these three days, they hide again for the remainder of the year...

So, you see, it may be my overcooked brain, it may be that I read too much horror, but I'm telling you, MY NEIGHBOURS ARE NOT NORMAL... One day they'll come for us, take us down to their haloed ground and initiate into their hellish feast. Beware, Northerners, THEY ARE COMING, COMING I TELLS YA'! PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU, R'LHEY WAGH'NAGL FHTAGN!

Marcel 'The Mucus Man' Admiraal

BTW: If you thought the mini-Cthulhu was adorable: check out My Little Cthulhu!
(No, really, this is not just courtesy. They have some funny stuff!)

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